


Epiphany

by phrenitis



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-04-20 13:05:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4788278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phrenitis/pseuds/phrenitis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their professional and personal relationships have always been linked so closely, but now, for the first time, leaving the firm will mean leaving <em>her</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Season Five, _Faith_.

Harvey’s world is unraveling faster than he is falling apart, so that’s an unexpected blessing all things considered. He feels upside down and inside out from self-realizations, but that’s the least of his concerns when he’s reeling between Hardman’s attempted takeover and Mike’s arrest, and still in the process of filing a resignation that is universally unaccepted and not yet a day old.

He’s ten minutes on the roof trying to breathe when Donna finds him there. 

His friendship with her is a fraying rope stretched out across the precipice between them, and he knows it’s up to him to repair the damage. But it’s harder than he imagined trying to rebuild something that had been so effortless from the start. Their interactions aren’t hourly, or even daily anymore, and he realizes, suddenly, how much that distance hurts.

She looks surprised to see him, either because she didn’t actually expect to find him on the roof, or maybe because she’s not even trying to track him down at all.

“Harvey,” she says. And that’s it, just his name, like she can’t think of anything else.

It’s the latter then, he decides – he isn’t hers to worry about anymore.

“I needed a break,” he explains, opts for truth with her because he’s hyper-aware of lies right now.

“Yeah,” she agrees. “It’s been quite a day.”

There’s something in her tone that piques his curiosity. “You too?”

Donna hesitates, and he remembers they no longer tell each other everything. Whatever she doesn’t say is replaced with a shrug – something tired, not indifferent – but she walks the dozen or so paces to stand next to him. “In a manner of speaking.”

Harvey doesn’t pry further. He wasn’t expecting company, but Donna isn’t just _anyone_ and he doesn’t want to drive her away.

The roof is quiet this late at night. Dots of light sit in an expanse of black stretching out to all sides, and the day's developments no longer seem quite as overwhelming with so much space around them. He’s always enjoyed Donna’s presence, the calming effect it seems to have on him despite their complicated history. For a moment, it’s like old times.

"You took Forstman's deal," she says. He's not surprised she's already heard, or reasoned it out; she has her talents.

"It was the right move."

Her lips press together briefly. "So that's it? You're leaving?"

Harvey's familiar defenses rise into place at her question and the underlying accusation he assumes is there, but then he remembers _lashing out_ and _calmly_. He is trying to recognize these moments and be a changed man, for what it's worth. 

"I'm really leaving," he acknowledges. He might have already broken the news to Jessica, but there's a terrible finality to it with Donna that gives him pause. He hears the change in her breathing, the way it goes kind of sharp and ragged all at once, and he wonders if he was wrong and she hadn't been questioning his decision.

“What are you going to do?” she asks, glancing over at him. She manages to put everything into the one question. And it’s exactly like old times the way she has his interests at heart.

“I’m getting Mike out of this bullshit charge.”

She nods, likely expecting no less. “After that?”

His resignation notice only starts the thirty day countdown to leaving, so there’s still time to plan what comes next. He doesn't know who he is if not a lawyer, and he knows that's exactly Forstman's intention. This is a personal attack meant to leave him with nothing. Harvey could take his clients with him when he leaves, but it'd destroy what shaky ground is left under the firm – Pearson Litt, he thinks, and it takes effort not to wince at that. Forstman knows Harvey won't risk the firm any more than he has to by leaving. But without his clients, Harvey must start at the beginning, or perhaps not even stay a lawyer at all.

“Maybe I’ll open a boxing club,” he jokes, although the idea has its merits.

Donna manages a wry smile. “And teach others how to fight for a living?"

He knows it’s completely unintentional, but after the day’s insights, her comment hits him like a punch. It’s staggering how perceptive Donna is without even meaning to be.

“You know what I say about a gun to the head,” he reminds her.

“It’s not only _your_ head the gun's pointed at,” she contends. “But the self-sacrifice is noble.”

He frowns and thinks of the hold Daniel almost had on the firm. “Are you saying this isn’t my fight?”

“No. I’m saying you don’t have to figure this all out on your own.”

“There’s nothing left to figure out, Donna. It’s already done,” he adds. 

She doesn’t exactly sigh, but it’s something close to it. She gives him a long searching look that makes him slightly uncomfortable, like he's the one being difficult, like he's missing the obvious and she’s waiting for him to understand that.

He thought about how he would tell Donna the news of his resignation. Their professional and personal relationships have always been linked so closely, but now, for the first time, leaving the firm will mean leaving _her_. Until she went to work for Louis, he never expected they'd be standing here like this - thirty days to goodbye.

“I’ve still got a month,” he says. There's a lot he can accomplish in that time, and rebuilding his friendship with Donna is one of them.

A corner of her mouth turns upward. “I didn’t think you were about to go quietly.”

“Hey, I can learn restraint.”

“Don’t talk crazy.”

He smirks. “I promise I’ll try to leave Louis intact?”

That finally earns him the smile. 

==

What little sleep he gets isn’t restful, so he spends the early morning hours busying himself in Mike’s case – a trickier predicament than he thought when he discovers he can’t use Rachel as a material witness, and needs to avoid a defense built on Mike’s character. It’s not impossible, but it’s damn near close.

“If I was trying to get out of the wedding, this makes a good excuse,” Mike reasons, and looks around at the grey cinderblock walls of the holding cell.

“You know you’re getting to walk out of here in about five minutes, right?”

"These walls are funny," Mike says, pretending not to hear him. “First you hate ‘em, then you get used to ‘em.”

“Stop quoting Shawshank, Mike.”

The humor lightens the mood, but does nothing to bring color back into Mike’s face or stop the shaking of his hands. It’s the same barely controlled panic he saw in Donna, and Harvey remembers where that leads. 

“Hey, Mike.” Comfort still isn’t in his wheelhouse, but he makes the attempt. “We're getting this charge dismissed. You’re going to be fine.”

“Yeah,” Mike says, but it lacks conviction. The reality is hard to ignore when they're surrounded by it. "This is bad though."

Harvey can't lie, not to Mike, not to Donna, so he says the next best thing. "When has that ever stopped us?"

==

He’s uncharacteristically quiet at therapy later. Distracted, he knows, because of his conversation with Donna, because of Mike’s arraignment, because of everything changing and twenty-nine days left at the firm that’s been more important to him than anything else.

“Harvey, I’m going to tell you a story,” Dr. Agard says when her question goes unanswered. He tries to remember what she asked – thinks it might have been something about relationships.

“Maybe today we just end early,” he suggests.

"It’s a story about an old man with the secret to happiness," she continues without acknowledging the interruption. “Now, he knows that every man must find happiness in his own time, so he searches for a place to hide it away from his village. He paddles far out to sea and drops it in the deepest part of the ocean. But the following morning, he’s surprised to find it’s come in with the waves and washed on to shore. So next, he journeys far up into the mountains and places it on the highest peak. But the following spring, he’s surprised to find the mountain ice has melted and carried it down the river. Undaunted, the man travels to the most remote places on earth trying again and again to bury it, but inevitably, it reappears before him.

At a loss, the man decides maybe he can’t hide the secret, so he places it in the middle of the village. But he’s surprised to find that even sitting right out in the open, everyone just looks past it and simply walks around it. And the old man realizes that he doesn’t need to worry about hiding it because what no one knows is the secret to happiness is often right in front of them.”

Despite himself, the story does as he’s sure Dr. Agard intends and sends him on a path of self-reflection. 

“Let me guess,” Harvey says. “I’m a villager in that story?”

Dr. Agard smiles gently. “I rather thought you were the old man."

==

The conspiracy charge against Mike is a hornet's nest, and it takes most of Harvey's attention to keep the daily developments from having a larger ripple effect across the firm. His desk is still immaculate, necessary files in a clean stack unobtrusively set off to the side thanks to Gretchen's care, but the case is anything but organized.

Sleep continues to elude him, and his caffeine dependence increases as a result. He knows Donna’s order, but he learns Gretchen’s, and Rachel’s, and even Louis’ within a week – five or six coffees in hand to distribute most mornings. Only Louis is suspicious of the offering, convinced he's racking up favors with Harvey that he'll need to pay out later.

"This is free of conditions," Harvey says as he sets the coffee down in front of Louis.

"What did you put in it?" Louis asks, staring at the cup like it's explosive.

"It's a ristretto."

"With a side of laxative? Arsenic? You should know I've enhanced my palate to identify the eight most common household poisons."

"Louis-"

"And once the sodium hydroxide burns heal, I've been assured that my taste buds will return," he continues.

Harvey isn't entirely sure if Louis is joking or not, but it's a busy day and he doesn't mean to make this a debate, so he just leaves the coffee where it is on the desk and turns to leave.

"Harvey, wait," Louis says in all seriousness. "Why are you doing this?"

"I don't know," Harvey answers honestly with a shrug. "I'm making the most of my last month."

Louis looks upset at that, choked up at the reminder, and he regards the coffee in a new light. His mind changed, he abruptly stands and puts out his hand. "Harvey, it's been an honor."

Harvey is surprised by the gesture and the heartfelt emotion behind it. He shakes Louis' hand and means it when he says, "I'm going to miss you, Louis."

He knows she listened in, and Harvey can't help but catch Donna's eye as he walks out of the office; Louis isn't the only person he's going to miss. She's watching him, and her expression is a blend of everything he hopes to see.

"What?" he asks.

"You know exactly what," she replies.

He winks, and Donna takes a sip of her coffee.

==

Even after the formal announcement, Jessica outright refuses to accept Harvey's resignation, determined to figure out the leverage Hardman has over Jack so she can nullify the entire threat.

“Forstman's fight is only with you,” she figures aloud, and Harvey can't argue with that. “But Daniel wants to clear the whole damn field. This is against all of us. He’s either going to get this firm back, or he’s going to completely tear it down.”

“Daniel can’t do anything without Forstman’s money to back him," he reminds her.

She eyes him skeptically. “Do you really believe that will stop him?”

"No," Harvey concedes because they both know him too well. "Daniel's a cockroach. If you fix the hole in the floor, he'll just crawl out of the sink."

Her jaw tightens. “Then it’s time to get the shoe.”

It's still his firm for the time being and its continued success matters deeply to him, so he takes Jessica's concerns to heart. There's something comforting in navigating the mystery, in the all-consuming work. This is where Harvey excels, and with his attention so wholly diverted between anticipating Hardman’s plans and winning Mike’s case, there isn't time to think about who he is without the firm, to worry about who he is without a fight.

==

It catches up to him with twenty days remaining. The panic attack hits without warning, his legs nearly buckling beneath him when his chest tightens and withholds the air he suddenly, desperately needs. He doesn't remember making it to the bathroom from his office, only has a vague impression of voices and colors that swirl across his senses until the nausea has passed and his heart slows enough to let the world catch back up. It takes a few minutes longer until his breathing regulates, the panic diminishing with the steady flow of oxygen. 

Donna is waiting in his office when he returns. She doesn't say anything, but her expression tells him enough. He wonders how long she's known.

Gretchen is at lunch, so he calls Dr. Agard himself while Donna stands there quietly in silent support should he need anything. The conversation is brief, but he doesn't hold any details back, and Dr. Agard puts him in as her next appointment.

"I'm glad you called, Harvey," she says before he hangs up the phone. He may not have control over the panic attacks, but there are manageable aspects to it that he's finally starting to grasp.

He turns from the desk and Donna gives him a reassuring smile. Whatever she knows, he's sure she must still have questions.

"Therapy's helping," he says, although she probably gathered that much from his conversation.

"Harvey, you don't have to explain."

"I want you to know," he insists. If anything, this only proves to him that he should never have doubted her intentions. He's responsible for what happened between them, and he feels a flush of shame. "You were right."

She looks at him questioningly.

"I have some things I need to work on," he acknowledges, and it's easier to tell her than he thought it would be. "The stuff with my mom, you always said I needed to deal with it. You were right."

He's ruined more than a few relationships because of his reactions and insecurities, and he's suddenly grateful for the damage-control Donna tried to implement.

"I think you were the only healthy relationship I even had," he confesses.

"I'm still here, Harvey," she reminds him. "I might not be working for you, but I didn't leave you."

For a moment, he can't respond, her affirmation meaning more than he can express. He's known this, has figured this out over the last couple of months of therapy, but he's not sure he's been able to really believe it until now. Donna's continued friendship is more than he deserves.

"I'm a lucky man," he admits, and her smile alone is almost enough to make him entirely regret his resignation.

Donna glances down at her watch. "You need to get going if you want to make it across town by three o'clock."

She doesn't have her phone, and there hasn't been enough time for her to look up Dr. Agard's address, so this is knowledge she already had. He doesn't know how Donna knows everything she does, and it doesn't even matter. He never stops being impressed by her. Twenty days to go and it feels like he's only just figuring everything out.

"You're going to be fine," she assures him as though she can tell what he's thinking. Knowing her, she probably does. "And Harvey," she says as she pauses at the door, "I'll clear your schedule. For old times' sake."

"You're an incredible woman, Donna," he tells her.

And he doesn't understand why her smile falters just the slightest bit.

==


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Suits Day! I don't know why this fic is getting longer, but I can thank both [Alex](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tmusings) and [Lau](http://archiveofourown.org/users/oceansapart) for keeping me at it.

The fewer days Harvey has left with the firm, the more the problems increase, as though time itself is intent on creating complications that test his resolve. He has limited options for Mike, unsubstantiated theories about the Hardman problem, and no career plans past his final days with Pearson Specter Litt. Only a renewed friendship with Donna through mutual effort the last couple of weeks offers any consolation. But even with her help, it's not enough to offset the compounding situation, a series of rapid fire punches that he can't seem to dodge.

When Harvey's final week at the firm starts badly, it's no surprise. The morning brings a discreet call from a secretary in Donna's network of friends across the city who alerts them to the concerning news that Mike's case has caught the attention of the U.S. Attorney's office.

"Wolf has friends," Harvey guesses aloud, angry with himself for not seeing it coming.

Donna nods. "He has a personal interest in any case with your name attached."

She doesn’t have to say more than that; they both know full well why the DA has Harvey in his sights.

“How bad?” he asks.

"It's bad," she admits uneasily. "But the DA's office is busy in the middle of prep for that AllShield Mutuals trial, so no one's had time to hand the case over yet.”

"It won't be Marlowe doing the work," Harvey figures. Marlowe might be Wolf's go-to attorney, but the ADA's success is thanks to family money and an ability to ride the accomplishments of his endless delegating. Unfortunately, that's the only good news. "Who's that new attorney they brought on? The one with the tie bar."

"Wilder. Or Accorsi."

He blinks. "There are two of them?"

"They were hired a few weeks apart," Donna explains, and makes a face. "I've always said poorly fitting accessories travel in pairs."

Harvey drums his fingers on the desk as he thinks. There's too much risk for this development to be anything but concerning. A federal investigation into Mike means there's already scrutiny on the firm, and it could eventually unearth the signed affidavits from Rachel and Louis that admit to knowledge of Mike's fraud. That evidence would destroy the case, and worse, it’d start a flood of new charges with unrecoverable repercussions across the firm.

He looks up and Donna's face is tight, worried, and he knows she's following his train of thought. This now compromises all of them, and Donna isn't even half a year recovered from her last encounter with the DA, much less prepared for threat on a federal level. Harvey can tell she's remembering the recent incident, and his own pulse starts to quicken when he thinks about her in jeopardy again. He feels the sudden need to reassure her.

"It's going to be okay," he says.

She doesn't look convinced. "This is different."

" _You're_ going to be okay," he clarifies because that's what's critical. "I meant what I said before."

Donna looks confused. "What?"

Harvey is sure she remembers. "You know."

"I don't."

He shakes his head, wary of what happened the last time they had this conversation. "Never mind."

"Harvey," she presses.

He sighs. He doesn't know what to make of their relationship since she left his desk, but it's too late to deflect once Donna's interest is piqued.

"I won't let anything happen to you," he says. It's still a promise despite what changed between them. Even without the firm, she must know he would always find a way to protect her.

Donna looks momentarily taken aback, but she quickly clamps down on her expression, and just like that her thoughts are hidden from him. His office is so quiet he can hear her breathing.

"Mike's case will be dismissed before there's time for a federal prosecutor to dig into it," Harvey adds, and hopes it changes the direction of the conversation.

Donna looks away for a long moment as she processes everything, then she takes a shaky breath. "I'm scared, Harvey."

His chest tightens at the fear in her voice. "I know."

"No, for all of us." She pauses for the right words, and it suddenly sets him on edge waiting for a lecture. "You've put all these people on the other side of the field. Forstman, Hardman, Wolf--"

"Donna, you know how I work," he cuts in.

"Yes," she agrees, "and maybe they all belong over there. But you keep making enemies, and the target on your back is only getting bigger."

He resents her observation, but he hears Dr. Agard's voice in his head urging reason and composure. It's enough to help him hold back any immediate response in an attempt to save the friendship he and Donna have only just reestablished.

"I'm scared for _you_ , Harvey," she continues. "You need allies."

He dismisses that outright. "Allies have self-interests."

"So do enemies," she counters. "And their interests are usually worse. You want to keep fighting these wars alone -- and god knows Harvey, you might be the only one who can. But everyone is facing an unknown threat from Daniel again, and worse, jail time if the dissolution of the entire firm doesn't happen first."

He feels his anger flare further behind the doubt Donna is planting. "So this is my fault."

"Jesus," Donna says in disbelief. "That's what you're taking away from this?"

"Well, it sounds like I started everything." He repeats her words back to her, "Forstman, Hardman, Wolf."

"Yes, Harvey, you keep stacking the odds. But it's also no secret you can win when your back's against the wall." Her frustration with him is apparent in her tone though it's tempered by genuine concern. "Right now, we're under attack from very powerful men who each have reason to see you lose everything. And whether or not you intended it, there's no one who knows their tactics better than you."

Harvey stays silent as what she's saying starts to click into place.

"You are the only chance all of us have against them," Donna continues, her words carrying a gravity he can almost feel. "The stakes are too high for anything but wins."

"Then I'll win," he says simply. Harvey knows these are his fights -- stopping Wolf and now the USAO for Mike, figuring out Hardman's hold over Soloff for Jessica and the firm, addressing Forstman's plans for his own future -- even with all of it colliding at once, he's never lacked confidence in his abilities.

Donna nods slowly, trusting in him though he senses there’s hesitation. “Just… don’t think you have to do this alone.”

Harvey isn’t sure what she means, but he knows the clock is ticking, and seven days doesn't give him much time.

==

Neither his call with Mike nor the impromptu meeting with Rachel following it do anything to change the tone of the day, their stress and fear over the latest news hindering productive discussions. Harvey doesn't yet have answers to counter their questions, and it's out of necessity for his own state of mind that he has to temporarily shift his focus to something else.

The situation with Hardman isn't any easier to decipher, but it's a different kind of problem. Harvey has re-reviewed every file Louis checked, but it’s with reluctance that he has to admit Louis was thorough. Harvey is just as unsuccessful at finding record of wrongdoing, much less a suspicious connection between Daniel and Jack.

Despite a previous attempt, Soloff hasn’t been any more inclined to divulge his secret than he has been willing to admit to being blackmailed. But Harvey figures it’s worth another try.

“What the hell is your problem?”

Jack leans back in his chair. “Hello, Harvey.”

“You’re willing to risk this firm for Hardman because of what he has on you, rather than come clean and let us help you keep him from destroying it?”

"You just can't let this go."

“If this is because of you and me, then let’s have it," Harvey offers. "What do you want?”

“You’re picking at a fight that isn’t there,” Jack tells him. “I may not like you, Harvey. But I wouldn’t jeopardize my job, or my friends’ jobs, to prove that point to you.”

“But you’ll let Hardman use you?”

Jack sighs and it irritates Harvey further. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. But there’s always a cost to any relationship.”

“That’s bullshit,” Harvey argues. “You have the ability to make this right.”

“This firm is already in enough trouble, and that wasn’t my doing.”

Harvey wants to punch the guy, but he finds control when he searches hard enough for it. “And when it is?”

Jack doesn’t answer, and Harvey knows it’s a lost cause. Whatever Jack and Daniel are hiding, it’s going to be up to Harvey to dig it out another way. He turns to leave, even more frustrated and angry than he started.

“Harvey,” Jack says quietly after him. “You’re doing a good thing for Mike.”

“I’m a lawyer, Jack. It’s what we do.”

Jack nods. “Then he’s lucky to have you as a friend.”

==

The knock at the door startles him, the evening already closer to night and nearly too late for company. But after the events of the day, he's expecting almost anyone else except who's actually waiting on the other side of the door.

"Scottie?"

"Hey, Harvey." Dana gives him a tentative smile. "Surprise."

He's stunned, and it takes a long moment before he can process it and invite her in. He doesn't know what to say, and finally settles on the obvious. "You're in New York."

"Just for tonight." She stops at the counter instead of taking a seat at the couch, and Harvey circles around for a bottle of wine. Something tells him they'll need the drink.

"This is unexpected," he admits. He doesn't need to add why.

She laughs lightly. "Yeah. I'm still asking myself if this is a good idea."

He waits for her to explain while he pours the wine and she studies the room. She's more guarded than he remembers, their last encounter attributing to that no doubt, but everything else is still very much the same. She carries herself like she's made of steel and glass, with purpose despite her nerves, and it fits the picture in his head he's had of her since they met.

"Nice plant," she says, her attention on his table.

He glances over. "It's a cactus."

"It's alive," she points out like that's remarkable. She sounds like Donna.

"It doesn't need much," he explains.

For a moment she's silent, thoughtful, then she turns toward him and leans against the counter.

"Okay, Harvey, I have an offer for you. A _business_ offer," she clarifies before he can say anything, and he has to admit he was starting to think she showed up at his door for a different reason.

"I hope it's short term," he shares. But if her lack of surprise to that news is anything to go by, she already knew of his resignation.

Dana gives a half smile. "I’m thinking something a bit more permanent."

That drives up his curiosity. Given their past, he's still surprised she even wants anything to do with him. He nearly says as much, but he can’t see how bringing up that topic will end well.

"I heard about your deal with Charles Forstman," Dana tells him, and she raises an eyebrow. "You’re out of clients.”

“I’m out of a _job_.”

She rejects that idea. “You’ll never give up law.”

Harvey doesn’t argue the point, but it’s nice to hear her affirm what he wants to be true. Dana studies him in the pause, and he can see her weighing what she wants to say next. He realizes her hesitation is because of what happened between them and he feels a flicker of guilt for the trust she lost in him.

“All right, here goes,” she says, and takes a deep breath. “Start a firm with me, Harvey.”

He blinks, shocked. “What?”

“It's what we always talked about,” she continues. “And now it’s the right time. It’s a clean break from the firm. I know you have the capital, and I can bring Marsden Petrol and the Tanvir Group. With them on board, and with you, more of my clients will join us.”

His thoughts aren’t remotely organized. “Scottie—”

“Just think about it before you say anything more,” she interrupts. She gives a little shrug as though she’s already anticipating his reaction. “Come on, it’s not the worst idea. I’m not in a rush. And with everything happening with Mike, maybe you could use the change.”

He gives her a look.

“It’s not a secret anymore,” she says frankly, but she doesn’t dredge up the past any further than that. He wonders now if she’s been more forgiving of him than he deserved credit.

Admittedly, though he needs time to think it through, Dana’s offer is tempting. The development from the morning had been a sick feeling in his gut throughout the day, but with his name attached to another firm, there could be avenues available that he didn't have before. The reality that his remaining options for Mike are very limited makes every decision even more significant. Does he save Mike at the expense of the firm? Or does he protect the firm and sell out Mike? Or now, with Dana, is there a different possibility?

“They’re bringing in a U.S. Attorney,” he tells her because he needs her to understand the magnitude.

“Oh god, Harvey.”

It goes without saying that Mike’s time is running out, the case soon out of Harvey’s hands. But Dana’s visit is proving fortuitous. “Mike needs help.”

And she must already sense what’s coming because he sees the way her mouth thins and her eyebrows draw together.

Harvey gets to the point. “I can’t represent him if they’re going after the firm.”

“No.“ Dana shakes her head adamantly. “I can’t.”

“He'll go to jail."

"Maybe he should," she argues.

Harvey knows that’s the unspoken reaction he’s felt from some people at the firm, but with Dana he can explain his guilt. "I got him in to this, Scottie. He's a good kid. And he made a mistake because of me that’s going to cost him the rest of his life.”

“Harvey, please don’t ask me to do this.”

“I don’t have anyone else. I don’t _trust_ anyone else. You’re one of the best lawyers I know,” he says honestly. “Scottie, I can’t save both Mike and the firm. I need your help.”

Dana’s eyes close as she tries to deny what he’s asking.

“God, I can’t believe I came here to offer you a job, and you’re already trying to put me in the middle of a mess,” she sighs. She stands upright, hands on her hips as she evaluates him. “You’re not going to let me say no,” she realizes.

He feels the sharp stab of guilt again. “You don’t owe me this.”

“Yeah, but that’s never where it ends,” she says with a tired shake of her head. And Harvey doesn’t blame her when she gathers her purse, the night clearly not what she expected.

“I didn’t plan to spring this on you,” he tells her.

“I know. That’s what makes you so irritating.” She takes the heat out of the words with a small smile, and he’s encouraged to see he hasn’t completely destroyed her goodwill.

“Thank you, Scottie.”

“I haven’t made up my mind yet,” she warns him. “But... I’ll call you in the morning.”

She waves him off from walking her to the door, preferring to see herself out. "Think about my offer, Harvey. It's not off the table. And you might want a new start more than I do.”

==

It takes quite a few drinks, but the bar is inclined to help him into a drunken state, and scotch does the trick. The heady buzz is enough to take the edge off, and the day’s conversations finally recede into the manageable. Well, _almost_ recede into the manageable. It was a long day.

There's a small crowd at the bar -- a birthday celebration in the middle, a young couple at the opposite end -- but no one bothers him. The relative solitude he enjoys for a couple of hours is the closest he can get to a stress-free state of mind, the low chatter of voices a soothing sort of white noise.

Harvey is properly blurred past caring by the time he orders another drink, no thoughts about Mike or Hardman or Scottie weighing him down. There's no expectation of what his life after will be, and he briefly entertains the idea of opening a bar. A jazz bar, even. His dad would have appreciated that.

"I'll have what he's having." It's said over his shoulder, but he knows Donna's voice better than any sensory memory he has, and he can recognize it even in his stupor. He should be shocked by her presence, but he's had enough of surprise with Scottie showing up earlier, and there's been a lot of scotch at work in his system since.

"Donna," he acknowledges, and turns to look at her when she takes the seat beside him. She's changed out of her work outfit into something more casual, a loose sweater and jeans that somehow still flatter her form. Given the late hour and the minimal makeup she's wearing, he's fairly sure she came to the bar from home. Probably from bed.

"Late night," he adds, curious why she made the trip out, though what little remains of his sobriety is sure it's because of him.

Donna doesn't seem bothered by the time, or by the interruption in her night. "I got a call you were here."

"Scottie?" he guesses, but can immediately tell from Donna's startled expression that he's wrong. He doesn't know what possessed him to suggest Scottie. Damn the scotch. He makes a weak attempt to redirect the conversation while he can. "Was it Ray?"

"Tyler," she corrects, and he doesn't miss the knowing look she gives him for the deflection.

The name sounds familiar, but he can't place it. "Tyler?"

Donna nods at the bartender. "Tyler Destasio. Award-winning New York mixologist, and the only person with a memory better than mine."

The bartender, Tyler apparently, accepts the praise with a smile and hands Donna her scotch. Harvey has only a passing recollection of the man. Tyler isn't a young guy, his hair more grey than black, but he's good-looking in a rugged sort of way with a lopsided smile that fits his blue-eyed charm.

"Tyler and I have a -- well, let's say an _agreement_ in place about you and a certain number of drinks," Donna explains. Tyler gives her a parting wink, and Harvey is irrationally irritated by it.

"How many bars do you have watched?" he grumbles.

"How many bars do you frequent?"

Harvey frowns, unsure if she's joking. "You don't work for me anymore, Donna."

If she hears the edge in his voice, she ignores it and changes the subject. "So, Dana's back."

He internally berates himself for that drunken slip of the tongue. His relationship ups and downs with Scottie over the years have never been much of a secret from Donna, but despite the large quantity of scotch, he's not inebriated enough for her to know about the developments from earlier. "Something like that."

"There's only one reason she'd be in town and want to see you."

Harvey decides to keep trying for disinterest in the conversation. "Hmm."

"And, after last time, it's definitely not because she likes you," Donna explains with a smirk.

"Ha."

"She heard the news you're leaving," Donna reasons aloud, and waits for confirmation.

Harvey gives a one-shouldered shrug, not wanting to give Donna anything further. It occurs to him as he's glaring down at the bar that he's still waiting for his drink. Award-Winning Tyler with the elephant memory isn't much of a hotshot in Harvey's opinion.

"You should consider her offer," Donna adds pointedly, and glances at him.

Harvey plays dumb. "Offer?"

"Oh god, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If she's not here personally, then she's here professionally, and thankfully for you, that's the side of your relationships that works."

There's an accusation buried in Donna's comment, but not an undeserved one.

"The real question," she continues so they don't pick at old wounds, "is whether you choose Scott Specter, or Specter Scott. I clearly have a preference, but then, I've always been Team Harvey."

Donna's ability to eventually reach the correct conclusion is unfailing as always.

"I don't think it's a good idea," he admits, and continues off her curious look. "For one, I have no clients, and I'd carry the financial risk. Two, Scottie and I don't exactly bring out the best in each other."

"You don't have to sleep with her," Donna notes dryly.

"Well, from experience, keeping the professional and personal separate hasn't made my life any less complicated either."

Donna gets his point immediately, a faint flush spreading across her cheeks at the reminder of their own history. She can't seem to make eye contact with him, and Harvey watches as she buys time and takes a sip of her scotch. _His_ scotch, really, no thanks to Tattletale Tyler.

"Is there a third reason?" she asks.

"Three _and_ four is the Forstman/Hardman duo. They won't sit by idly if I just start up a new firm."

"Forstman got what he wanted."

Harvey shakes his head. "He has the upper hand. He'll only stay content as long as he keeps it."

"So, what? You retire?"

"I was kind of hoping you had other ideas," he jokes half-heartedly.

"You mean the owner of a boxing club?"

"Or a jazz bar."

Her face softens at the reminder of Gordon. "I think he'd want more for you."

Harvey shrugs. "I'm running out of options."

"You're meant to be a lawyer, Harvey." Donna states it with such conviction that for a moment he remembers what it's like to have her complete confidence in him.

"I was a lawyer for a lot of reasons, Donna," he says tiredly. "But I was only the best for two -- I won, and I had you." The scotch helps with the honesty, but in truth, he immediately regrets what he says. He doesn't want to know how she takes his comment in case it makes the loss he still feels even worse.

"Why are you here, Donna?" he asks.

She slowly turns the glass of scotch in place with her fingers. He studies her out of the corner of his eye, but Donna waits to respond for so long that he almost believes she's forgotten the question.

"You needed an ally," Donna finally says. She looks over at him and her expression is soft and sympathetic. She's beautiful in the low light. "The firm is still your family, Harvey. And we can help. But with everything happening, you need to build relationships beyond what we can offer."

Even through his buzz he can recognize that her words come from a place of concern and care, and he's had time to think about what she said earlier in the day. Forstman, Hardman, Wolf. He's put too many enemies at his door when he has a lot of people to protect.

“You’ve been talking to Dr. Agard,” he says, glancing over at her with mock suspicion for the familiar advice.

Donna laughs. “I should have. Maybe we’d have gotten you to listen sooner.”

He smiles at that.

It’s probably true.

==

Harvey successfully puts enough effort into walking and talking to do both without much drunken effect, but he knows Donna sees right through it. At some point during their time at the bar she must have sent Ray home because Harvey’s phone is dead and they take a taxi ride back to his place.

“I’m not _that_ bad off,” he says. But whether she ignores him or he never actually says it aloud, Donna follows him out of the taxi to see him to his door.

“I’m helping you tomorrow,” Donna tells him. “You need to go talk to the DA.”

“Donna," he sighs. "I don’t need Louis storming into my office because he thinks—“

“I already handled it,” she states firmly. Then she smiles, and that puts an end to his objection. "I know you didn't get anywhere with Jack."

There's something about his conversation with Jack that's still bothering him. "It's not a case. Whatever Jack's hiding, this is different."

She nods. "Different is my specialty. I'll talk to him."

Harvey is surprised by how relieved he is to have Donna’s deduction abilities dedicated to him again, even temporarily. But he’s most reassured by her support, her steadfast belief in him. He's already the lawyer he was supposed to be because of her. He shouldn’t need her anymore, but he still can’t convince himself of that.

“I made a mistake,” he admits.

Donna looks puzzled. “When?”

It was a scotch-fueled response, so he doesn’t really have an answer – mistakes in all the wrong moments that led to where he is now. He goes for the one that’s easiest to explain.

“I don’t know how to get Mike out of this,” he says. It’s the closest he’s been to scared in a long time.

Donna looks sympathetic. "Mike always knew this day would come," she says gently.

"An arrest?"

"His past catching up to him."

There's a responsibility Harvey still feels to the entire situation because he hired Mike in the first place. "I won’t let him go to jail."

"I know. And I don’t question your ability to help him," she adds. "But Mike doesn't have to be innocent to be able to walk away from the life he had. He's already made his peace with that."

Harvey knows what she’s saying, and even if he struggles to accept it, she’s likely reading the situation better than he is. He looks at her standing just outside the door, and wonders, not for the first time, why he didn’t try harder with her. Why he seems to learn through regret.

“I miss you,” he confesses.

And he definitely says this out loud because there’s a long pause after as Donna tries to find something to say. She finally settles on, “Gretchen is great, Harvey. It’s just going to take some time.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t mean about the job.”

She doesn’t respond to that immediately either and he has too much time to do nothing except look at her. He knows she’s beautiful – that hasn’t changed since he met her – but there are times when he can see her beyond that light. Her attractiveness far exceeds the physical.

Donna glances up to see him watching her. Even drunk, he's being serious. Beyond work, he misses what they were, that unspoken possibility.

“I miss you too, Harvey.”

She doesn't leave after she says it, but stands there looking back at him. There's an intangible pull between them that he knows she feels. And blame the scotch, or the early morning hour, but his brain short-circuits and he kisses her. It's without any pre-thought, exactly what he’s tried to avoid with her – something terribly impromptu, and probably a regret.

Then Donna kisses him back.

It's entirely different than the last time – no longer an electric charge of want, but rather a focused intensity, a deep current below something calm. It's tender and it's comforting, their past familiarity and years together making a simple kiss something more. She smells like wild flowers and early spring mornings, and somehow it makes the pain of missing her even sharper – everything about her a reminder of what he doesn't have.

It's not long before Donna pulls away, but for a moment she doesn't step back, so any remorse, reasons, or excuses are still held at bay. It's just the two of them in something together that feels possible.

"Harvey," she says softly. But neither of them seem to know what else to say. He can't quite explain what's happened or what it even means. And in the pause that follows, reality starts to creep back in.

She turns to leave. "I need to go."

“Donna, wait.” He reaches for her, but falls short of touching her -- the bubble of intimacy broken. He doesn't know what to do.

She stops a little way down the hall. "Harvey, it's okay. It's just late."

He isn't sure if that's meant to be an explanation. He doesn't exactly want to ignore what happened, but he seems as reluctant as Donna in wanting to understand why. It's a strangely disappointing feeling as though he's not making the most of the moment.

Donna hesitates a beat longer and he thinks she's going to say something more, but she just gives a little nod. "Good night, Harvey."

He isn't able to fall asleep.

==


End file.
